How did anyone survive the 70s?

In the 70s it was dangerous to...ride a bike, go swimming, play on farms, put rugs on newly polished floors, use escalators, hang shopping bags on pushchairs, mix radial and cross-ply tyres, cross the road, play with a frisbee, go camping, go fishing, go within thirty feet of a pylon/substation/plug socket, eat out of date cheese, fly a kite, have polystyrene tiles...It's a wonder I'm still here.

Following on from the last post about disturbing Usborne guides, here are just a few examples of the horror that was daily life in the 70s, courtesy of You Tube.

1. Escalators.

Notice how the escalator is made to look like something off Terminator - an emotionless machine whose only function is to kill kill kill. Were escalators ever this frightening? (after all 'escalators are everywhere', says the narrator) No - but that's the point, you couldn't take anything for granted in the 70s. There was danger everywhere. Mind you, I do remember being frightened of escalators, of being somehow digested by the teeth at the end and swallowed into its mechanical belly. They are, I suppose, great chomping machines to children. But was anyone ever killed? Did this actually happen to anyone? A squeak of a boot and little Billy dismembered and gone for good? Who the hell went shopping in their wellies anyway? Well, actually I did...it rained a lot where I lived.

2. Using matchsticks instead of a plug gives you the complexion of a zombie.

There's not much to say here, apart from who the hell ever stuck matchsticks into a plug socket? Was this a widespread problem in the 70s? Were men with Diabolo goatees up and down the country securing live electrical wires with bits of wood? Note the added danger of him using a very large power tool woo ha ha ha. And, hold on, who's the geezer who comes in to rescue him? He looks like a foreman of some sort. Is this a place of work? Christ and they can't even afford proper plugs? You think this credit crunch is bad. I love the withering final line from the narrator - "fix things properly" - it sounds like something your mum might have said as you lay there fitting on the floor.

3. Polish.

Even polishing a floor can be a deadly act. This one is a good example of the mind games these adverts played. It begins with the Carry On/Terry and June/Good Life happy-go-lucky twitterings of flute and xylophone, then a rug turns into a mantrap.

4. The cross-ply/radial problem.

I think the problem here is less that the odd-looking chap in the Morris has mixed cross-ply and radial tyres and more that he is driving like a knob. Not sure how his car ends up being dropped from a great height, though. Love the Hammer Horror mad professor.

More another time.